Straight Guy Comes Out to Anti-Gay Family

Under the LGBT section of social news website reddit, a heterosexual guy comes out to his family. In the following; the original comment, and one of the 200+ reactions to the comment.

Comment by Heterogay:
"I'm a straight male. Very straight. I love women. I also totally support gay rights - with all my heart. I can't STAND bigotry and it really pisses me off that you don't have equal rights. I'm straight but if I have a son or daughter that's gay I'll be damned if they don't have the same rights that I do.... My family however, is fairly homophobic. They live on the east coast. I live in SF. I've never let them say anything discriminatory in front of me without it being challenged and flat out calling them hateful bigots.
Anyway. Last week I flew back to spend some time with them... They're my family after all and before this our relationship was good... I see them like 1x a year. We're having dinner and somehow the conversation turns to Obama and "Don't Ask, Don't Tell". Long story short, my brother in-law says that "fags shouldn't be able to serve in the military" ... and I lose it. I stand up and say that it's not right to discriminate against ANYONE regardless of sexuality, race, or religion. ... then it dawns on me... they don't know that I'm NOT gay. So I just come out of the closet. I live in SF... I'm 35... I'm fit, fashionable, metrosexual even. I've NEVER been married. I've never even brought a girl home to meet Mom... (though for the record I have plenty of girlfriends, ha).
They think I'm bluffing but once I stick to my guns (and they can see that I'm visually upset) it dawns on them that I'm homosexual. My dad goes silent and just leaves the table. My sister calls me a jerk for coming out ...my brother in law is pissed. My mother is crying. At this point I decide I'm not going back. I'm going to be gay as far as they're concerned for the rest of my life.
It was pretty heated... I left shortly after. My calls to the house aren't answered. My sister says she's ok with it but that I shouldn't have come out of the closet... In a way it hurts because I had a good relationship with my mother and father before this - however, I feel strongly that if they don't love me regardless of my sexuality, then I don't want them in my life. So here I am.... one of you . I'm ostracized from my family. I'm out of the closet and kicked in the teeth. This is harder than I thought."

Reaction by Kryptondog:
I think your heart's in the right place, but as a gay guy this doesn't sit right with me. It took me years of agonizing before I came out. And agony is the word for it. When I was still a practicing Catholic I'd pray to God, begging him not to send me to Hell for being gay. I tried to tell my parents so many times. I wanted to. It was on the tip of my tongue more times than I can remember, and then I'd suddenly get very afraid that they'd not love me and kick me out. So it was back to the closet for me. One time I lied to dad about wanting to go to the psychologist for social anxiety when I really just wanted to get "cured" and be "normal." When dad told me to man up and try to work it out myself, I took his gun without him knowing about it, hid under my bed, and tried to work up the nerve to blow my brains out all night long. You ever do any of that, sport?
It took me years, and it took you a single night over a heated dinner conversation. You did it because you were angry at your parents' ignorance, and I did it because I was angry at having to live a lie for the sake of other people's sensibilities. I'm very lucky that everything worked out for me, and that I now love myself for who I am and have my sanity fairly intact. A lot of gay people don't make it through the process unscathed.
I really do feel like you're a good person, and you were acting out of a sense of justice. In a way, it's touching that you'd defend us to that extent to your parents. Thanks for that. But please don't compare your gesture to actually coming out. Don't even call it that, you know nothing about it. It's cultural tourism, nothing more. Sorry, bro.
PS, now that I've got all the butthurt worked out of my system... I'm sorry that your folks are ostracizing you now. Despite their position on homosexuality, it would be a shame to throw away a good relationship with them. I hope you guys make amends soon. After I came out, it took a few weeks before dad could look me in the face and mom could keep from bursting out in tears when I came in the room.

Why Chinese firms don’t apologise

Why Chinese firms don’t apologise:

Unlike BP, China’s state-owned polluters have been allowed by friends in government to ignore the consequences of their actions, writes Tang Hao.

There is more than one BP in this world. On July 3, toxic waste from a Zijin Mining copper plant spilled into the Ting River in Fujian, south-east China, killing thousands of fish. On July 16, an explosion at an oil depot in Dalian, sent 1,500 tonnes of crude oil flowing into the sea off the north-east coast. On July 28, floods at Yongji in Jilin province swept 7,138 barrels of chemicals from two chemical plants into the Songhua River.

But China’s companies do not handle responsibility in the same way as their overseas counterparts. To date, BP has spent billions of dollars plugging the Gulf of Mexico leak and dealing with the spilled oil. It will also cover government clean-up bills, running to hundreds of millions of dollars, and it has been forced to establish a US$20 billion (136 billion yuan) compensation fund. In contrast, Zijin only got around to disclosing its pollution incident nine days after the event. Even then, its vice-president repeatedly stated that the leak “was largely a natural disaster and could not have been predicted”.

Meanwhile, the China National Petroleum Corporation (CNPC) has offered neither apology nor compensation for the oil that gushed from its Dalian facilities into the Bohai Sea. State-owned enterprises (SOEs) such as CNPC have a track record when it comes to this kind of behaviour: after polluting the Songhua River in 2005, CNPC paid a mere 5 million yuan to the local government and 1 million yuan in fines to the environmental authorities. Those living alongside the river received nothing.

So why are these state-owned firms – founded with taxpayer money – able to cover up their actions and behave so arrogantly after wreaking environmental havoc? They appear even more unflappable than richer, stronger businesses abroad. The answer is simple: they have back-up. Both CNPC and Zijin inhabit sectors that do not yet function according to market principles. Since the 1990s, central government’s market reforms have shifted in focus from “marketisation and privatisation” to eliminating weaker firms in sectors with overcapacity, such as coal mining, power generation and non-ferrous metals, thereby opening the door to SOE monopolies.

China’s market economy is a distorted one, and state-owned firms have grown up in an environment of unfair competition. There are numerous examples of such organisations enjoying monopolies, putting pressure on private firms and setting rules that favour their own. The refusal to pay environmental costs is simply one expression of these special privileges.

Moreover, the special relationship between the SOEs and local government is itself a root cause of environmental incidents. China’s GDP-obsessed local authorities prioritise growth over the environmental protection and, as a result, the country’s industrial sector has become a huge ecological hazard, presenting a degree of risk rarely seen elsewhere in the world.

Nothing demonstrates this more clearly than the locations of chemical plants on river banks – chosen for the sake of profit, with no thought given to the environment. Of China’s 7,555 chemical and petrochemical plants (with a combined capital cost of just over one trillion yuan) 81% are located in environmentally sensitive areas – by rivers, or in densely populated areas – and 45% are considered to pose major risks. In some areas, chemical plants are sited just 300 metres from rivers. Weng Lida, former head of the Yangtze River Water Resources Protection Bureau, has been quoted as saying: “Half of all China’s chemical industry is in the Yangtze basin. A Yellow River’s worth of domestic and industrial waste water flows into the Yangtze every day.”

China’s particular method of development and industrial structure have given rise to a chemical industry that poses a major threat to public safety. The frequent pollution incidents we have seen this year are merely a warning that similar, larger-scale accidents are yet to come.

The environmental policy successes of western governments have been based on government transparency, honesty and the utilisation of civil powers. Corporate and individual environmental responsibilities are set out clearly in legislation; environmental information is easily accessible; the media can report on the issues freely; and the public is both concerned and engaged. These are all necessary conditions for environmental protection. In Europe, both governments and NGOs are environmentally active. In the United States, it was the pressure applied to BP by Barack Obama’s administration that ultimately prevented the environmental catastrophe from getting even worse.

But in China, the government – the natural safety valve – is itself flawed. Close links between the authorities and business, especially the SOE sector, have long been recognised as a problem. Against this background of tight relationships, state-owned firms are rarely punished for environmental breaches, even if they already have a poor record. According to an official survey, 36% of 3,486 state-controlled enterprises that release waste water were found to be breaching standards when inspected. And, out of 3,557 businesses releasing atmospheric pollution, 41% had breached all or some standards over the course of a year. But enforcing the law in such cases is extremely difficult. Pollution by SOEs is not, at root, an environmental issue – it is a problem of governmental will and commercial incentive.

In fact, Zijin Mining topped a list of 11 firms found to have severe environmental problems, published by China’s Ministry of Environmental Protection in May – two months before the Fujian disaster took place. The firm had already been named and shamed in this way several times previously, but local-government protection meant it was untouchable. In 2010, the firm was even awarded the title “Most Sincere Enterprise of China, 2009”. After it caused a major environmental catastrophe, an anonymous company employee said to Time Weekly magazine: “The government will not let us become a BP.”

In China, state-owned and government-controlled firms have even closer ties with government than private business, and so the environmental authorities have greater problems exercising oversight. In this context, it is easy to see why CNPC and Zijin did not promptly report their incidents to the environmental authorities or take measures to reduce the impacts, instead opting to cover up the events and refusing to pay compensation.

There needs to be a range of forces involved in environmental protection. Legislative and judicial bodies, the media, public opinion, NGOs and other civil society bodies and international organisations all have their role to play. But in China today, just as SOEs have monopolies in certain sectors, the government has a monopoly on power. Legislative bodies are weak, civil oversight is suppressed, and large state-controlled firms have formed tight alliances with government. There is no scope for these diverse forces to fulfil their rightful functions.

Faced with frequent environmental disasters, the typical reaction is to hope the government will actively intervene to change corporate behaviour. But when the dividing line between government and commerce is blurred, excessive power is concentrated in the hands of the authorities and other societal forces are helpless, environmental protection in China is in a quandary. If the powers of the government are increased so that it can intervene to a greater extent in the marketplace, then it will have further opportunity for rent-seeking behaviour, corruption will increase and environmental problems will become even harder to solve. But if government powers are weakened, then already brazen businesses will be even freer to do what they will to the environment. If the current monopoly on power is not broken, the environmental issue will, like other social problems, remain unsolvable.

Judging by historical pollution patterns, it seems likely that China – three decades after the start of its manufacturing boom – is about to enter a period of frequent environmental disasters. During this period, large monopoly firms will be major polluters. Despite being built on taxpayers’ money, such firms, with their unique economic and political position, pose an even greater threat to the environment those taxpayers inhabit than private enterprises or foreign companies. To turn this situation around requires not so much a change in the relationship between government and business as the creation of a responsible government.

Tang Hao is an associate professor and a columnist. He is currently Fulbright scholar-in-residence at Randolph-Macon College in the United States.

Homepage image by Sygne.